Ok, so Mary has been on me for a while about writing an entry for the blog. It’s not that I didn’t want to, it’s just that I’ve been wicked busy lately, but tonight at work I finally found the time so....here goes.
Where to begin? Well, for starters I am excited. So many emotions are running through my head, but overall, excited is the first one that comes to mind. I can’t begin to explain the things that I am feeling: scared, excited, anxious, sick/dizzy, worried…name it and I’ve been there. I have went from having a room in the house for me to escape to having nowhere to go. My dressing room, junk room, all my posters and records hanging from the wall, my Red Sox stuff, UT stuff, guitars, basically my Red Sox blue man-room is non-existent. The manly shade of blue is now pink. Gone from the walls are my years of collecting things that are, well, me to baby stuff. My dressing room is now filled with lots of pink clothes that are not mine. Yep, that took some getting used to.
One of the hardest things for me to give up is something that I have had for years, my selfishness. Thoughts of me,me,me, are now thoughts of, her,her,her, and the strange thing is, I’m ok with that. Who would have thought that all it would take is a little 8lb baby(I’m betting on a chubby baby) to change your ways, and she’s not even here yet. One of the hardest things that I’m having to deal with is one simple question: Will I be as good as a parent as my Mom and Dad? This is what scares me. There is no way possible that I will be as good as a father as mine has been to me, not remotely possible. My mom and dad have always been great examples to me, and that is where I will struggle the most. The sacrifices that they made for me were many and selfless, only thinking of my well-being. I can remember when dad was on strike, and only Mickey and myself would be eating dinner because we didn’t have enough food, things like that went unnoticed at the time, but now weigh heavy on my heart. I will never have the patience that my parents had, to be honest, I have no idea how I even survived this far in life because of dumb decisions that I made while growing up. I was brought up to respect my parents, obey their rules, and do as they said, never questioning a decision. Going to church was not an option, it was mandatory, just as was school. I had perfect attendance from kindergarten(probably mother’s day out) up to the time I graduated, but for some reason forgot to tell them at graduation, which killed my mom. This is only a small glimpse into the great childhood that I had and my great parents.
With all that said, I again say that I will never be as good a parent as my Mom and Dad have been to me. But maybe that’s the whole point of this parenthood thing. You take all the great things you remember from the way your parents raised you and you work on it for your children. I know I could never be as good as my Mom and Dad have been to me, but I can at least instill the things that I have been taught to my children, and hope it turns out the same. This I feel is my only option. I’ll take mom and dad’s playbook and see how it goes from there, I know the plays, I’ve seen them run before, I’ve been a player on that field. Now is to teach the plays to my children, starting with Little Leahbug. So in a way(and metaphorically speaking) it’s not starting a new game, it’s just passing on the things you have learned from your parents onto your children. Wow, now I feel really better about this whole parenting thing. If I combine my playbook with the one that Mary is bringing to the table, then this will not be as hard as I thought. Well, until my little girl gets old enough to date, that is a different story altogether. Homeschooling is looking better all the time...
